i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
