Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
that's an acceptable place to lick
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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