Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
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