He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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