Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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