quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
