i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
