DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
