I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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