so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Blood and glitter go together right?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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