So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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