There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
