Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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