She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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