So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
