just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
