I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
