I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
