How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
