Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
