Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize
