Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
