So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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