The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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