i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
