Moan for me like Helen Keller
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
