I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
