I forgot how hot balto sounded
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
The power of my boobs compel you
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
