I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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