I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Don't make out with my wife yet
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
