I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
