He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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