It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
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