I just threw up on my dentist
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
