I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
