More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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