just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
