You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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