how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
