I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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