I am puke
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
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