Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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