the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
