but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
