dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
