Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
