Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
