I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
