Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
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Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
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No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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