maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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