I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
