True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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