Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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