clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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