I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I will be naked everywhere
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
