If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
