could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
