Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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