you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
