he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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