Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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