Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
