I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
